There’s two more Baited Hooks to come after this but this one, Medicine Show, is the last of the Joe Wilkie/Blessham books so far and the most recent of all my comedy novels.
In Medicine Show, Joe locks horns with a psychic charlatan who is capturing the imagination and awe of the whole village, with one or two exceptions. The scene you are about to read (if you’d like to continue) is a funny look at how some of these people do actually fleece unwitting members of the public.
Yes, I’ve made it very exaggerated for comedic purposes but there’s more than a kernel of truth to it.
Anyway, have a read and if it tickles your fancy then pop on over to Amazon and get yourself the whole thing. I’ll leave a link at the bottom.
Over to you Joe…
The Baited Hook 4 - Excerpt from Medicine Show, Chapter 6: The Beets and The Believers.
As I walked past the village hall I could hear voices coming from inside. Well, I knew it weren’t the boy scouts because they meet on Mondays and the Women’s Institute have it on Wednesdays, and Thursday nights is the whist drive so I wondered what it might be.
‘Go in and have a look Joe.’ I said to meself out loud, and so that’s what I did although I got a funny look from an old couple what were walking past. I don’t know why. Nothing wrong with talking to yourself is there?
I walked up to the front door and there were a notice on it which I couldn’t make out; not being so good at the reading like. I could make out the word TUESDAY and the date underneath, which were that night, but the next word didn’t make any sense. The first letter were a P, the second were an S, the third were a Y and I didn’t know any words that started like that.
But something were going on in there so I pushed the door open and went in. And I were quite surprised at what I saw.
There were a couple of rows of the folding wooden chairs set out with maybe two dozen or more folks sat on ‘em and on the little stage were Delius Myth.
He stopped talking and everyone turned around to look at me which were a bit hum-berry-sing… hem… ember…
…I didn’t know where to put me face.
‘Come in Joe, so glad you could join us. Please sit down.’ Said Delius, who were dressed all in black again which I think is as daft as it gets in the Summertime.
‘What’s going on?’ I said.
‘I’m conducting a psychic service.’ Said Delius. ‘I’m getting messages from the other side for people.’
‘I won’t stop then.’ I said and I turned to leave.
‘Oh don’t go.’ Said Anita Peepy who were sitting on the back row. ‘Delius is marvellous. He gave me a message from my Uncle John. He said that everything is nice on the other side and that I should support Delius as much as I can.’
‘And I got a message from my aunt Sarah.’ Said Cassie Rowles. ‘She told me to give Delius fifty pounds to further the cause of psychic events like this. I’m so excited to be involved.’
‘My cousin George gave me a message too.’ Said Ivan Ardon. ‘He said that I should come to these events regular, seeing as it only cost a mere twenty-five quid each time and that he’d be always be here with a message for me.’
Well, I didn’t like the blummin’ sound of it. Messages from the other side; I ain’t never heard the likes of it, and I told ‘em all so.
‘You’re wrong Joe.’ Said Mandy Phort. ‘It’s like Delius has a direct line to the spirit realm. You just stay and watch for a bit.’
‘Righto,’ I said, and I sat on the end of the back row with me arms folded and trying to look miffed like I seen Her Ladyship do often enough.
‘If we’re all ready then I shall continue.’ Said Delius and everybody sort of murmured that they were.
Delius started to walk up and down the stage with his eyes shut and I were worried he might not see where he were going and fall off the blummin’ thing. He had his forefingers pressed onto either side of his head and kept saying things like, ‘Someone is trying to get through’ and ‘I feel a presence.’ The only thing I could blummin’ well feel were how hot it were in there and that someone ought to open a couple of windows and let some air in. And some dirty beggar near me had let a silent one go and all. I reckon it were Clodagh Gass. I were at Blessham Primary with her and she were always letting off back then and getting me the blame for it. It were her honest, not me.
Anyway, all of a sudden, Delius stopped dead in the middle of the stage and opened his eyes.
‘I’m getting the name Charles.’ He said. ‘Does anyone here know a Charles who has passed over?’
Nobody did.
‘No, hang on, it’s not Charles, it’s Chris. Yes, does anyone know a Chris.’ He said.
Nobody did.
‘No no, I’m wrong, the spirits are being vague due to the interruption, it’s Charlotte.’ He said.
Nobody knew a Charlotte.
‘Cheryl?’ He said.
Again, nobody.
‘Chloe?’ Said Delius looking round the room like he’d lost a quid and found a shilling.
‘YES!’ Said Hugh Jampton leaping to his feet. ‘My mother was called Chloe.’
At that everybody gasped with amazement. Well, everybody except me.
‘Your mother has a message for you.’ Said Delius to Hugh who had tears running down his face for some reason.
‘Yes yes, what is it?’ Said Hugh.
‘Your mother, Chloe, says she loves you very much, that you must drink more tea and that you must come again this Friday when there will be another meeting.’ Said Delius who were sort of rocking from side to side with his eyes closed again.
‘Thank you mother.’ Said Hugh, staring up at the ceiling for some reason.
‘Hang on a mo!’ I said putting me hand up to get Delius’s hat-tension.
‘Yes Joe.’ He said. ‘Would you like to ask me something?’
‘Ah boy! I reckon I would.’ I said.
‘What is it?’ He said.
‘Well, there’s a couple of things.’ I said. ‘For one thing, how do you get from Charles to Chloe? One’s a blokes name and the other’s a lasses name. And for another, how come all these folks from the other side are telling everybody to give you money?’
Well I tell you what, every eye in the place were on me and I could feel ‘em all but I didn’t care. Something about this weren’t right. It weren’t right at all. I mean, I ain’t a clever man, as you well know, but even I could see that this were a blummin’ parlour trick. And I ain’t even got a parlour nor been much good at tricks neither.
And I tell you what, you could have heard a pin drop. A pin I tell you.
I dropped a pin once, just to see if I could hear it but there were a combine harvester going by the house at the time and I couldn’t hear a blummin’ thing. I mentioned it to Mr Franks the next time I saw him and he said, ‘Haven’t you got better things to do on the weekends Joe?’ which made me feel a bit sheepish like.
Anyway, back to the village hall, and I could feel everyone’s eyes on me like I had said something bad when all I’d done were state the blummin oblivious… obesity… obstreperous…
…the plain facts as I see ‘em.
Medicine Show is available HERE for £2.99 download and £8.99 paperback.
There will be another Baited Hook next week.