Can you believe we’re six weeks into Take a Hike? Me neither. One thing I am noticing as I work my way through something that I wrote eighteen years ago is that I’m editing it less and less. The first chapter was an abomination really until I got the old red pen out but now that we’ve arrived at chapter 6 I’m finding that it’s improving rapidly and requires a lot less intervention from the 2024 version of me.
Last week Tandy met the cheeky youngest of the Hennessey sisters - Jenny. This week Jenny takes our hero on a hair-raising drive to a nearby hostelry were revelataions about her family are made known.
Does Jenny have designs on Tandy? Or is he just a shoulder to cry on?
Read on…
Take a Hike - Chapter 6: A Hennessey History Lesson
Jennifer Hennessey, it turned out, was far from being a careful driver. She drove the van down the track as if she were trying to break the world land speed record. Tandy gripped the handle of the door as tightly as possible and braced himself with one hand on the ceiling of the car to avoid repeatedly striking his head on it. Somehow she managed to get the vehicle into third, crunching the gears and pumping the clutch as the little car bounced, bumped and lurched through every rut and pothole. Either she didn’t care what happened to the van or she just trusted to providence but every few yards Tandy expected to hear the sound of rupturing metal signifying that the sump had been fractured.
Incredibly, they made it to the end and turned onto the road. He breathed out heavily, as he had been holding his breath for the majority of the track, but even when they were safely on tarmac he found himself tightening his sphincter muscles and closing his eyes at every turn in the road as Jenny threw the car into them in a way that Colin McRae would have been proud of. Again and again the gears gave out a grinding, metallic crunch as she rallied it into the bends, not once attempting to use the brakes.
‘Where do you fancy?’ She shouted at him. Shouted because the stereo was playing so loudly and her window was wound down as far as it could go. Tandy was not a great fan of The Clash and being a rather softly spoken man found it difficult to compete with ‘I Fought the Law’ at full volume.
‘I don’t know! Anywhere! I’m not from round these parts!’ He yelled as loudly as he could.
‘What?’ She shouted.’
‘Anywhere!’ He yelled in direct competition to Joe Strummer and friends.
‘Hang on a sec!’ She yelled again and turned the stereo down to an acceptable level. ‘That’s better, I can hear you now.’ She said, still yelling despite the lowering of the volume and looking directly at him. A cyclist was about forty yards in front of them and they were gaining fast. Tandy felt as if his heart had leapt into his mouth, sucked in his breath and pointed at the rider that Jenny was seconds away from killing.
‘Look out!’ He cried.
With only a cursory glance at the cyclist, she tugged on the steering wheel, swerved around him, honked her horn and shouted the word ‘Wanker!’ at him through the open window. ‘Bloody cyclists.’ She seethed. ‘Pain in the arse’. The Jenny behind the wheel was a totally different creature to the one at the dinner table. There she was nothing more than an cheeky little minx, on the road she was a wild-eyed demon with no respect for other users or, so it seemed, for human life itself.
‘I know a nice little place.’ She said reaching into the top pocket of her faded denim jacket and pulling out a packet of cigarettes. ‘Fag?’ The packet was offered to him.
‘No thanks, I don’t smoke.’ He told her.
She flipped the top of the packet open with her thumb and pulled a cigarette out with her teeth. Whilst this was happening Tandy noticed that she was now steering the car with her left knee as her other hand fumbled for her lighter. There was no slowing down at this point either and he began to wonder if it was his destiny to die that very night as the car drifted steadily across to the other side of the road. Mercifully, Jenny found the lighter, lit the fag and resumed proper control of the vehicle before they ploughed through the hedge and met their untimely end.
They reached the T-junction where the road joined the A171 and Jenny indicated to turn left. Another car was approaching from the right and good sense and courtesy would have waited for it to pass as it was so close.
Not Jenny though. She tore out of the junction and floored the accelerator. The driver of the other car quite justifiably gave her a long blast on his horn only to be greeted with a raised middle finger out of the window from Jenny.
Tandy was regretting coming along for the ride. Surely the Staveley Arms with its exhibitionist landlady and pagan practices was preferable to this. At least there was a chance that he would live to see another day at the Staveley Arms. With Jennifer’s driving he couldn’t be so sure.
The other car was soon left behind and within a few minutes Jenny slowed the van down, indicated left again and pulled into a gravel surfaced car park.
‘Here we are.’ She said as the car ground to a halt, sending gravel flying in several directions. ‘The Boat!’
Tandy peered through Jenny’s window at the building they had pulled up next to. It was a stone built public house which appeared respectable enough. There was a small beer garden at the back and people, normal looking people, were sat outside on picnic benches under large umbrellas with brewery names on. Jennifer opened her door and it was only at that point that Tandy saw that she had not worn her seat belt. How on earth did people like her be allowed to possess a driving licence? He wondered. But at least her demeanour had returned from demon driver to minx although Tandy was now feeling a tad narked by the woman. This wasn’t exactly turning into the quiet, relaxing holiday he had envisaged.
Jenny slammed her door closed and stood waiting for Tandy to get out of the car. She didn’t notice it but his legs shook a little as he stood up and he placed one hand on the roof of the car to steady himself for a second. They made their way to the back door of the pub with Jenny walking at a pace in front of him.
Once inside he began to feel better. It was a nice, unspoilt place without the false trappings that come with chain hostelries. There were no standardised bar menus, no semi-uniformed staff and no kiddies play area with the exception of a worn-out slide that they passed in the beer garden. It was a good old-fashioned British pub that sold good honest beer and home cooked food. The landlord was a heavy-set bald-headed man with a goatee beard and a welcoming grin. His good lady wife was fully dressed and had the classy but slightly flirty air that every good pub landlady should have. There were lots of customers in the pub, many of which appeared to be locals or regulars. A well-used pool table stood in the centre of the bar and a group of young men were playing on it, laughing and joking heartily with each other whilst their scantily clad, alcopop drinking girlfriends sat cackling at them. Elsewhere people of all ages sat in an atmosphere of good-natured hospitality. Tandy at last felt a sense of ease come over him.
He followed Jenny as she pushed her way through to the bar.
‘What are you having?’ She turned and asked him.
‘It’s alright.’ He said. ‘I’ll get them.’
‘Oh come on James.’ She smiled. ‘Drop the gentleman bit. You said it yourself. This is the twenty first century, it’s ok for the girl to buy the drinks.’
‘Alright.’ He conceded. ‘A pint of bitter please.’
Jenny ordered two pints of bitter and a brief pause before being served followed whilst the landlord reeled off the choice of different bitters available. The selection was astounding, there were five different bitters and three real ales to choose from but eventually they settled on an intriguingly titled brew called Wild Horse.
Jenny paid the landlord with a twenty-pound note and passed Tandy his pint. He took a good sip of the beer and found a delightfully fresh, hoppy taste filling his mouth. The beer was quite strong being 5.0% and he hoped that he could restrict his driver to just the one, two at the most. Jenny pocketed her change into her jeans pocket and turned to face him.
‘Do you want to sit in here or go outside?’ She questioned.
‘Outside.’ He told her. ‘I’m an outdoors kind of guy.’ He turned and led the way back outside. Tandy had an ulterior motive for wanting to go outside to the beer garden. He felt that if he were sat on one of the picnic benches with her on the opposite side of him then he could fend her off a lot easier if she tried to hit on him which he was beginning to suspect she might do.
It was by now half past seven and the shadows were just starting to lengthen nicely as the sun slowly dipped in the west. It was pleasantly warm without being sticky and uncomfortable and a slight breeze was whispering in off the coast bringing a salty tang to the air.
They found a bench that was unoccupied and Tandy made sure to wait until Jenny had sat down before taking his place opposite her. She took a long draught of her beer, almost reducing the contents of the glass by half in one go and gave a loud gasp of satisfaction, followed by a small burp.
‘Oops, pardon.’ She said patting herself gently on the chest. ‘So James.’ She then continued. ‘What brings you to Hennessey House?’
‘I’m just here for a break.’ He said. ‘Someone from the walking club I belong to told me about this place. She’s been before.’
‘She?’ Jenny’s face took on the mischievous look that he was now getting used to.
‘Just a friend.’ Said Tandy. ‘But, to be honest, and please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m a little bit disappointed to say the least.’
Jennifer threw her head back and laughed raucously at this.
‘What’s so funny?’ He asked.
‘A bit disappointed? James, James, James. You should be bloody well affronted at having to pay to stop in that dump.’ She continued to laugh. ‘Disappointed? You’ve every right to be for God’s sake. I don’t know what kind of friends you’ve got James but if I were you I’d be having words with whoever she is when you get back home for stitching you up.’
‘Don’t worry about that.’ He said with a frown. ‘I will be. But what I don’t understand is why your sister, Ms Hennessey, Margaret, keeps it open. She could sell it to a developer for a small fortune and move somewhere decent. I mean, it’s obviously too much for her on her own so why does she do it?’
Jenny smiled briefly and then her face turned as serious as he had yet seen it.
‘Huh!’ She said with undisguised contempt. ‘Poor old Mags will never leave that place. They’ll carry her out of there feet first in a box before she ever sells it. You see James, that house has been in the Hennessey family since it was built over two hundred and fifty years ago. It was a farm house for most of its life until an outbreak of foot and mouth disease in the nineteen seventies. I hadn’t even been born when that happened but Mags remembers it. I’ve heard her tell of how it left my father a broken man and that he very nearly had to sell the place himself. At that time he and mother had Mags and Ellie to think of and times were hard. In the end he sold some of the land off and they began to take people in for bed and breakfast. It was a success at first but then Mary came along and then me. We all had to sleep in the same bedroom, us girls, as the other four were needed for guests. Mother and Father slept in the room that you’re now in. We used to have a steady stream of people stopping there throughout the summer but then…’ She paused for a second as if collecting herself. ‘…Then Mother died.’ She turned her face away from him and Tandy thought for a moment that she was about to cry. She didn’t.
‘I’m sorry.’ He said.
‘Oh it’s alright.’ She continued. ‘We’ve all got to go some time haven’t we? It’s just that she was in a so much pain, right up until the end. That’s why Mags absolutely forbids smoking anywhere in the house. I’m trying to quit myself but it’s not easy. Anyway, to cut a long story short, Father went to pieces after she died and the place gradually began to fall into the state of disrepair that you now see it in. Paying guests became few and far between and he began to suffer from terrible bouts of depression until he died eight years ago and left the house, land and everything to Mags. The rest of us got nothing, but we can’t complain. My parents were Puritans. Devoutly religious and Mags was the only one of us who Father felt hadn’t let them down in any way.’
‘Let them down?’ Tandy asked. He was now very intrigued by the story of the Hennessey family.
‘Yes.’ She went on. ‘Mags was always a good, virtuous, hard working girl who never spoke out of turn. In Father’s eyes she could do no wrong whilst he saw the rest of us as something of failures. I suppose in a way we were.’ She stopped and took another good swallow of beer, reducing the glass to a quarter full.
‘No father would see his children as failures surely.’ Said Tandy trying to bring a bit of cheer back into the conversation.
‘Some wouldn’t.’ She smiled. ‘But he did. You have to understand James that he had very deep-set religious principles. Shall I tell you why we failed him?’
‘You don’t have to tell me anything.’ He told her.
‘No.’ She said and Tandy was relieved to see the spark return to her eyes and the cheeky smile to her lips. ‘I want to tell you. Let’s start with Ellie. Ellie is as faithful a sister as anyone could wish to have but she does have a weakness. She’s very handy with her fists. Many times we were taunted as children at school because of our parents religious views and many times Ellie retaliated by blackening eyes, splitting lips and breaking noses. She got herself expelled for head-butting another girl and knocking her out. Then one day she got into a brawl in a pub in Whitby, shoved a glass in some ones face and got eighteen months for it. Our family had never had anyone in trouble with the law and so Ellie had blotted her copy book.’
‘Then there’s Mary. Always been very opinionated has Mary, could never take advice off anybody. Her and Father used to have some tremendous rows until one day she got sick of it, moved in with a chap from Filey and got herself pregnant. Of course, Mary being Mary, she had it aborted and Father vowed that he would never speak to her again after that. He always said that from that day on he only had three daughters. And then there’s me…’ She paused and drained her glass. ‘I lost my virginity at fourteen with a lad from one of the neighbouring farms. Father somehow found out and sent me away to live with his sister, Aunty Joan, in Pickering. I still live there although Aunty Joan passed away three years ago. And there you have it. The tale of the three terrible Hennessey sisters.’ She grinned at him more cheekily than ever. ‘I think it’s your round James.’ She said handing him her empty pint glass.
Tandy went into the bar to replenish the drinks, feeling surprised that someone he had known for such a short length of time should be so open and candid. He’d never met anyone quite like Jenny and had already decided that beneath that mischievous exterior was a deeply complicated soul. He returned to find her drawing heavily on a cigarette and looking out in the direction of the coast. She smiled and thanked him for the pint, which he hoped would be her last.
’The weather’s going to change.’ She said.
‘What makes you say that?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know. I can just tell; I’ve always been able to. Sorry to put a dampener on your holiday James but we’re in for a spot of rain.’
‘Ok weather girl, when’s it going to change?’
‘Monday.’ She said with such emphasis that showed that she had no doubts about it. ‘Maybe Sunday night. You’d better get your walking boots on first thing in the morning James because you won’t be doing very much after tomorrow, not unless you don’t mind a good soaking.’
‘I came here to do some cliff walking and that’s what I’m going to do.’ He said. ‘And I don’t mind a bit of rain either.’
‘You’re going to leave the house aren’t you?’ Her eyes stared straight into his own. ‘I don’t blame you of course but I wish you’d stay.’
‘Look, I’ll be honest with you.’ He said. ‘I’ve stayed in some rough places over the last however many years but I’ve never seen such poor facilities in a B&B as there are in that place. The loo and bathroom are the most unhygienic I’ve ever seen, my window doesn’t open, I can’t lock my door and there’s neither television or radio on offer. Your sister is a fair cook but that’s scant compensation for the rest of it.’
‘There are reasons for all those things.’ She said. ‘The windows are nailed shut because Father was paranoid about burglars, the keys have been removed because he was paranoid about fires and T.V and radio are of course seen as devices of the devil.’
‘What about the unsanitary ablutions?’
She paused before answering that question as if she was looking for the right words.
‘James, you’re the first paying guest that Maggie’s had this year. She maybe has one or two a year at the most. She can’t cope with the place and she won’t have any alterations done because she thinks that would be disrespectable to the memory of our parents. The poor old thing is stuck in a time warp. I was honestly expecting her to have no guests at all this time round and then you showed up.’
‘Yeah, didn’t I. Thanks to my… friend.’
‘Look James.’ She leaned across the table towards him but averted her gaze from his, looking down. ‘I know that I hardly know you and you certainly don’t owe me any favours but I’m going to ask you for one. Please stay for the week. It would mean a lot to me. I dread to think what state Mags would get herself in if you left. I really believe that you might well be the last paying guest that she’ll ever have. Please, for the sake of the poor old cow. I know it’s asking a lot for you to put up with that run-down ruin for a week, but, please…’
Tandy couldn’t decide whether or not Jenny was genuinely concerned about her sister or whether she had some other motive for wanting him there. Either way he still felt very sorry for Ms Hennessey and the big softy inside him had already tugged on his heart strings earlier that day.
‘I tell you what.’ He said after a while. ‘You get the bog and the bath cleaned and I’ll stay.’
She beamed a wide toothy smile at him. ‘Oh James I could kiss you.’ He didn’t doubt that for a second. ‘It’s a deal.’ She offered him her hand instead of her mouth and he shook it with a tired smile.
‘Anyway.’ He said. ‘I do owe you a favour. You prevented me from going to the Staveley Arms.’
They finished their drinks with Tandy questioning Jenny about the locality, the whereabouts of shops, pubs and other amenities. She provided him with reliable sounding information on these as well as some scenic spots he might want to visit whilst he was there. That last half hour at the pub was the most normal conversation he had had since he arrived.
When the drinks were gone he announced that he was feeling tired and wanted to get back to the house for an early night as he wanted an early start in the morning. Jenny tried to twist his arm into going somewhere else but he stoically declined and she eventually gave in. The journey back to Hennessey House was far more sedate than the outbound one. Maybe it was the beer that had calmed Jennifer down or perhaps it was her getting some stuff off her chest, it mattered not which, he was just glad that she drove slowly without The Clash and that she carefully picked her way back down the track, tutting to herself every time the car was jolted by a rut. It was eight thirty pm when they walked back through the front door.
Ms Hennessey was in the front room, reading a dusty old book on the history of the Pilgrim Fathers. Jenny joined her sister and Tandy excused himself after he and Ms Hennessey had agreed a time of seven o’clock for breakfast. With that he bade them both goodnight and ascended the stairs to his room.
It was gritted teeth that he brushed in the bathroom but at least he did it. Hopefully Jenny was going to be as good as her word and clean the place the next day. He was surprised to find that lady waiting outside the bathroom as he left it.
‘I just wanted to say thanks James.’ She said as soon as he saw her.
‘What for?’ He asked, feeling a little surprised to see her there.
‘For agreeing to stay here. I really appreciate it. Thank you.’ There was genuine sincerity in her voice.
‘Think nothing of it.’ He told her.
‘That’s my room just there.’ She suddenly said, pointing to the door next to the bathroom. ‘In case you should want anything in the night.’
‘Err… ok, thanks.’ He said. ‘Well… good night then, Jenny.’
‘Good night James.’ She said softly.
Once in his bedroom he quickly undressed and slipped into a pair of well-worn pyjama trousers that had been a present from Tina years ago, but they still served a purpose.
He set the small travel alarm clock, that he had bought in Leeds one day on a whim, to go off at six thirty. It told the time in twelve different cities around the world which had seemed like a good idea at the time but on further reflection Tandy realised that he could have saved money on a cheaper model that just told Greenwich Meantime as it was highly unlikely that he would ever be wanting to tell the time in Sydney, New York or Tokyo.
He was just about to get into the bed when he heard the low battery signal on his mobile chirping away. He fished the charger out of his rucksack and unplugged the bedside lamp to plug it in. As he pushed the charger home in to the Bakelite fitting and flicked the switch there was a sudden flash, accompanied by a sharp cracking noise, a loud bang and he jumped back, shouting in shock.
Footsteps were then heard rushing up the stairs, followed by a hammering on his door. ‘Mr Tandy, are you all right?’ Came Ms Hennessey’s voice followed by Jenny’s. ‘James, James what’s happened.
‘I’m ok!’ He called pulling his T shirt back on before opening the door. Both women looked worried but he raised his hand to quieten them. ‘It’s alright, really, my mobile phone charger just blew up, that’s all.’ The smell of burnt plastic confirming his words.
‘Oh Mr Tandy I’m so very sorry.’ Ms Hennessey’s face was one of shocked mortification and even Jennifer’s impish face looked embarrassed.
‘It’s quite alright Ms Hennessey.’ Tandy tried to calm his hostess. ‘But I think my charger isn’t going to be much use to me anymore.’
‘Oh please don’t be cross with me Mr Tandy.’ Ms Hennessey looked close to tears. ‘I’ll deduct the cost of a new one from your bill if you let me know how much it is. It’s the very least I can do.’
‘Please, think nothing of the sort Ms Hennessey, these things happen.’ His voice remained placid but he was still feeling a bit shocked as well as pretty annoyed that he could no longer use his mobile.
‘You must feel free to use the house phone whenever you want to make any calls Mr Tandy, any time you like.’ Offered Ms Hennessey.
That was all well and good but what was he to do if he had a slip or a fall whilst he was out walking and needed to phone for help. Apart from that he now had no means of any of his clients getting in touch with him, such as the headmaster of the school, in case of any problems. His mobile had all his business contacts in it and now he couldn’t use it thanks to the archaic wiring system in that poor excuse for a guest house.
After further reassuring both ladies that everything was fine he closed the door and retired to bed. He had been hoping to read a chapter of the novel he was currently on but was now unable to because it was getting too dark to read and he wasn’t prepared to attempt to plug the lamp back in and risk electrocution. He’d have a look at it in the morning and if he didn’t like the look of it then he would have to ask Ms Hennessey for a different room.
He lay back in the bed and closed his eyes. His holiday was fast turning into a farce. The accommodation was both unsanitary and dangerous, the landlady’s sister obviously had designs on him and according to her it was going to pour down the day after tomorrow, the nearest neighbours were possible Satanists, he’d been on a terrifying car journey which nearly left a cyclist dead and now his mobile phone was neither use nor ornament. It wasn’t the Hennessey’s fault, not really, it was Saskia’s and she was going to know about it in no uncertain terms when he got back home.
But within the space of ten minutes the day had caught up with him. The travelling, the afternoon walk to the waterfall and rocks, the harem-scarem car ride with Jenny, the two pints of Wild Horse bitter and the good meal he had consumed had all made him feel supremely tired and he drifted off into a heavy and dreamless sleep.
To be continued…
CLICK HERE to go to Chapter 1 and start at the beginning.